Is there a better way?

It never fails. The weekend comes and my goal is to ensure that when we wake up Saturday morning, there is nothing that needs to be done. All the laundry is caught up, dishes are caught up, counters cleaned off and organized, everything is placed where it is supposed to be.

Yet, something magical happens. By the time Saturday goes by, Sunday moves along, and then Monday morning comes with the beckoning of work and duties, the house is a complete shambles and disaster.

Clothes piled up on the couch in the computer/office area, counters cluttered and unkempt, dishes are not done, and I am left wondering how to get things organized so I am not wasted much of my day doing nothing but chores.

Not only this, but like any person who sees the mess and chaos, one just gets into the procrastinate mindset and pushes the much needed chores off. Double whammy if one, such as myself, lacks any solid time management skills.

What have I accomplished thus far? Well, laundry is already going, the bed is already made, the dishwasher is running (a second time), refrigerator cleaned out (partially), and just going through picking up things that are either out of place, or have not yet been placed in a home.

Consistency is the key

As I contemplate my dilemma here, the realization is that consistency is the key. Much of our problem (as a family, and myself) is that things are not put away where they are supposed to be. This could be those items that were pulled out to be used and then left abandoned, or things that were recently purchased and has yet to have had a home to go to, or sheer laziness in not wanting to exert the energy to pick things up as we walk by them.

Along with consistency, one has to move from the old habits and start replacing the old habits with new habits. Instead of allowing things to pile up, one needs to get into the habit of making sure everything is done right away. That means, once a load of laundry comes out of the dryer, take the time to fold it right then and there, put the clothes away where they are supposed to be, and then not have to worry about stressing the Mount Everest of laundry one must dig out from underneath.

Not only does this build better habits of making sure things are done right away, it also lessens the amount of time one has to devote toward making sure the house is kept up. If you have ever had a chance to watch any episode of Clean House, you know that those people who live in such chaos and disorder do so because they have gotten into the habit of just putting things where ever and not bother maintaining the home.

The less time you have to spend on keeping the house cleaned, the more time a person has to do those things that they would like to enjoy doing.

It takes strategical planning and implementation

One thing that I have personally adopted, but not really kept up with, is the ability to strategically plan out what needs to be done. This comes under the guise of time management. Do not try and get all the major projects done at once. This will alleviate all the frustrations one faces when they attempt to put too much on their plate. For instance, laundry should not be an all day task. At minimum, in our family anyhow, laundry ought to be done at least every other day. This includes, running the washer, dryer, folding and putting away the clothes.

As for the dishes, most people hate dishes. Yet, if it were the choice of spending money to eat off plastic silverware and paper plates, someone has to ensure that there are clean dishes. The one thing that my wife has constantly been trying to get me to focus on is not leaving the dishes until there is a pile of them. This requires the ability to go from doing all the dishes at once, to making sure the dishwasher is emptied out. An empty dishwasher allows one to rinse, and put the dirty dishes that are used into the dishwasher. Once it is loaded, then the dishwasher is started and the only thing left to do is clean off the counter tops. Again, lessening the amount of time spent rinsing, scrubbing, cleaning, and loading the dishwasher.

Another way to strategize is to work in one area of the house. However one decides to accomplish this, that is up to that person. For me, I like to work on the main areas of the home: Living room, Dining, Room, Sitting room, Kitchen, main bathroom, main hallway. Focusing on these areas and making sure that they are kept up is important so that when you have company over, they leave thinking why can’t we keep our house that cleaned and organized.

Do not get me wrong. I am not advocating that a person’s home needs to be so clean and organized, you feel like you are stepping into a museum. There has to be some signs of civilization. Since we have a 14 month old, she likes to pull things off, read books, and make her own little messes. As long as the place does not smell bad, look like a complete disarray of things, and unkempt in the sense that there is just lack of care, people are very understanding. We should not try and be the one house on the block as the award winning best kept home. It is okay to have signs that the home is being lived in.

Plan and carry out major projects

My wife and I are wanting to build up our food storage. This requires the installation of shelving units, putting items on the shelf, and using the first in and first out rule of product rotation. What is barring us from doing this at the moment? Boxes, and boxes, and furniture that is sitting in the garage. We moved into the home back at the end of October, 2010, and still have not gone through the boxes. We also are planning to host our first Garage sale, but have not gone through the boxes to see what it is that we want to keep, and what it is that we can do without and get rid off.

So, in order for us to start working on our food storage, the one thing that we have to do is go through these boxes, put aside the things we are wanting to get rid of in the garage sale, and put the things we would like to keep, but have no room in the house for them, in a more organized fashion.

The other project that I am personally wanting to start doing is plant and grow my own herb and vegetable garden. Not only does this require some planning, but it is also additional chores to take on as well. If I am not able to manage my time wisely in keeping the house cleaned up, how am I expecting to successfully plant, grow, and harvest our own fruits, vegetables, and herbs?

How does one go about accomplishing these things?

Time management is the key. Building consistent habits is also another key. Focus on getting the little things accomplished will actually pay out in the long run.

Here are some simple steps that one can take to remedy the battle of the mess:

1) Time yourself as to how long it takes you to do each chore.

What this means is for you to time how long it takes you to clean the house from start to finish. A couple of ways to do this are to do an overall time or by timing yourself on each particular housekeeping task. The latter will be the much better because then you can see how long it takes you to clean and organize each part of your home.

Say, for instance, you timed yourself in cleaning the kitchen. You discover that it takes you an hour and a half to clean (that is from start to finish). You mark down how long it took, and then move onto the next section of the house.

2) Record why there is so much of a mess and why you are overwhelmed.

This is where you have to be honest with yourself. No excuse making (because we all do it), but to be honest. Why do you have a pile of clothes that have sat on the couch for the past two weeks? Why are there a pile of dishes sitting in the kitchen sink from dinner last night? Why is there a pile of dirty laundry and your dresser draws are looking like a barren land? The problem is not with other people not doing the chores, the problem is a family issue that begins with the one person whose sole responsibility it is to make sure the place is kept up.

3) Set reasonable and realistic goals.

Changing habits and behaviors is not something that happens over night. It takes consistency, it takes perseverance, and it takes patience. Frustrations will abound. Thoughts will assault you in the form of murmurings and complaints “Why am I the only one that is doing all this?”. It is only when we are able to set manageable and reasonable goals that we can slowly change old habits and behaviors and begin to establish new habits and behaviors that will benefit us.

4) Have a servants heart and attitude.

Everything is about attitude and how we approach things. If we spend our time bickering and moaning about how we are the only ones doing something while others do not step in and help us out, we are making things that much more stressful and harder on ourselves. One thing I am still working on is the fact that because I am a stay-at-home-dad, the main responsibility of maintaining the house is not carried on my wife’s shoulders, my step-son’s shoulders, but it is on my shoulders. I am the one that is responsible for the maintenance and upkeep of the house. When we begin to dance with the thoughts that it is unfair, why should I have to, and other such temperamental reasonings, we begin to dance with anger, despisement, and  judgmental  attitudes.

We have to have a servants heart and attitude. After all, we live in the home, we make just as much of the mess as any other family member, and we are the ones that have the ability to do that which other family members do not have the time to do. Therefore, the expectation is for us to make sure we have a clean and organized home.

Once we overcome the childish behavior and antics, we also will overcome the causation of much stress and strain that plagues many homes today. While it is one thing for family members not to help out and maintain a clean and organized home, it is another to entirely give up and live like pigs just because family members do not have time to focus their energies on the mountain of laundry and dishes that have piled up the last couple of days.

4) Reward yourself

When you have to stress over the chores, stress over the chaos as you survey the mess, you are not able to enjoy your life. Complaints fly like stray bullets in a gun fight because every one else is to blame, but yourself. Complaints of I never have time to do the things I want to do. The reality is that the reason why I am not able to do the things that I want to do is because I personally spend way too much time trying to get my stuff done instead of making sure that the housework is done in a timely and organized manner. It is only when I have the change in attitude and behavior that I could actually place myself in the position of rewarding myself.

This can be going out for a walk with baby, going to a park, sitting down and watching a movie, working on one’s hobby/interests, treating yourself to a nice relaxing time of just listening to soft music. Life is challenging, and it is a struggle sometimes, but we tend to pile unneeded stress on our backs. We tend to become our own slave masters when we should not allow ourselves to be dictated by the mess, but take control of the situation and improve our lives and sanity.

Concluding thoughts

As I looked over the mess our home was in, I did not want to do anything. Why should I clean up the mess. Most of it was not mine to begin with. Why should I fold the clothes? Why should I do anything when I get no help anyway? The reality is this: if it does not get done, it will only get worse. The small pile of clothes will turn into a huge pile of clothes. Dirty dishes will become moldy, and smelly, trash will pile up and things will still be the way that they still are.

What did I do? Started working on getting the things done that needed to get done. Essentially, it boils down to this: Stop your complaining, bitching and whining, buck it up and just get it done

Providential Living for our Time

Today is definitely a very productive and busy day. Cleaning up after Megan is always a constant chore. My wife uses the analogy of trying to shovel away snow in a blizzard – you are not going to get very far. While there is still much to do around the house, the fact of the matter is that one of my New Year goals is to work on my writing.

With the 20-11 WordPress blog challenge underway (and me coming aboard four days into the challenge), I have already posted one article over at Reasoning with the Critics and two on the Angry American Patriot blog.

What, then, do I have planned for the House Husband Journal? Today, the focus will be on introducing the concept of providential living. Much of what is discussed here (and in forthcoming articles) will be information that is based upon the self-reliance teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

What is Providential living?

Loosely, the concept of providential living is defined as the ability for an individual to possess the capacity to meet their own spiritual and physical needs. It is the ability to sustain oneself and meet their essential needs. This is typically focusing on providing for one’s shelter, food, and clothing. Basic essentials. However, a more accurate answer to this question is provided by Elder Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles:

Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

What is a provident provider?

All of us are responsible to provide for ourselves and our families in both temporal and spiritual ways. To provide providently, we must practice the principles of provident living: joyfully living within our means, being content with what we have, avoiding excessive debt, and diligently saving and preparing for rainy-day emergencies. When we live providently, we can provide for ourselves and our families and also follow the Savior’s example to serve and bless others. (From Becoming Provident Providers Temporally and Spiritually speech at the April 2009 general conference.)

As a stay-at-home parent and being reliant upon one main source of income, my wife and I have made decisions to cut out unnecessary expenses of things we do not need. This means, limiting the amount of times we eat out. In fact, it is one of our New Year Goals as a family to spend more time eating in than eating out. Yet, this is not the only area where a providentially minded home has to focus on.

Basic ingredients to make your own laundry detergent

We have also decided to become a “green home” in that we no longer purchase commercial grade household cleaner‘s, laundry detergent, and fabric softener. Instead, we have cut much of our cost in this area by purchasing the necessary items to make our own household cleaners. Recently, we had to make a new 5-gallon bucket of laundry detergent and used only Arm and Hammer Washing Soda, Zote Soap (or Fels-Naptha), and 20 Mule Team Borax. As for our fabric softener, we add 1/4 cup of White Distilled Vinegar to the Rinse cycle. There are two additional ingredients that we add to our homemade liquid laundry detergent and that is Oxi-clean and our choice of essential oils with Tea Tree. The initial investment will be the brunt of your out-of-pocket expense, however, the savings definitely pay in the end when you have to replenish the basic ingredients.

Going from making our own laundry detergent, having White Distilled Vinegar on hand is one of the best things every household could invest in. Vinegar is actually a cleaning agent for all types of household chores.

Recently, I have gone out and purchased empty spray bottles that will handle the day-t0-day usage and made my own all-purpose cleaner. A simple 1 part vinegar to 1 part water, and some drops of favorite essential oils. The only cost, the bottle, vinegar, and essential oils.

Going from the household cleaning supplies, we also have cut down on what we spend at the Grocery store by being cognizant of what we are buying. This utilizes the commitment in creating a family menu. Whether it is a weekly, bi-weekly, or even a monthly menu, as a family, we sit down and come up with a menu plan of what we need. Since we also maintain an inventory of what items we already have on hand (a very important and arduous task at the initial outset), we go through and incorporate what we have with the menu items for that day. Three meals a day, we are able to go to the store and purchase those necessary items without wasting time figuring out what will be for dinner.

Another are of providential living is the ability to put together a family rainy day fund. The purpose of this fund is to provide income during times that will allow for the continuation of paying bills, necessary expenses, and the like while a family is faced with the situation of having limited or no income otherwise needed to support themselves. If one is not in place (like with our family) there has to be some creative development in accomplishing this.

The best solution to this is to put aside $160.00 per paycheck into a dedicated savings for emergencies only. This comes from when I resided at the Aloha Inn transitional housing program of Seattle, Washington. Residents there, who were employed, were required to put aside $320.00 per month ($160.00 every two weeks, or $80.00 weekly). By the end of the nine month program, a resident will have $3200.00 saved up and at their disposal for the ability to pay first, last, deposit and furnish their own place. Thus, taking this savings concept and applying it in the family setting, a family ought to have saved $3,840.00 in a 12-month period. However, it does not end here. The one thing my wife and I have already done is taken our spare change and placed it into a make-shift piggy bank. At the end of every month, we go through and roll up all the coins that we are able to, record the amount that is contained in this bank, and use it for immediate emergencies as necessary (our recent emergency was having to use $10.00 for gas). Using this spare change that we keep on hand helps us when we get into a bind.

From here, we also are challenged to focus on how we are able to get out of debt by figuring out what bills need to be paid off, working with creditors in maybe lowering the minimum payments, and doing what we can to pay what we can. Sometimes this benefits an individual, at other times it is quite difficult. Yet, the ability to become self-sufficient requires sacrifice and commitment to live within one’s means.

How then is this providential living?

Our home is no longer dependent upon the fret of whether we have enough money to purchase the necessary commercial grade cleaners to maintain a clean home. Majority of our cleaning now incorporates homemade cleaners that do far better than what most of the commercial grades could do. Whether we make our own laundry detergent that lasts us over a years time, to making our own all-purpose cleaner with essential oils, we have saved money in our pocket book and on our grocery bill.

And, the utilization of creating a bi-weekly menu item helps us save money by only focusing on those specific items we need. Also, the need to eliminate unnecessary foods that we should steer clear from – this includes items as soda, chips, non-nutritious snack items and unnecessary grocery items.

Reigning in your finances, establishing a budget, sacrificing some unnecessary expenditures, and living within our means requires creative thinking, willingness to let go of some of the more luxury items that we can do without, as well as not further placing our family into more debt than we already are.

Final Thoughts

As previously stated, forthcoming articles will focus on how a stay-at-home parent can work on establishing a providential house, becoming self-reliant, and the ability to function in our current economical trials.

Monday Monday – A New Day and a New Month

It is another typical Monday morning. Woke up around 6 am (when I had wanted to wake up around 4 in the morning), rushed to get dressed, and get our 3 month old ready to go.

There is much that needs to be accomplished today. Luckily, my wife and I had called on a friend to come over and help tend to the care of our little girl. She is a definite blessing in our lives. Always smiling, she is discovering her laughter, and the ability to talk in her own unique way.

Some of the things I had wanted to accomplish today (hence, the reason behind wanting to wake up at 4 in the morning) were to exercise for 20 minutes a day. This is one goal that I would like to commit in accomplishing. Being overweight is no fun, and at my age, there is greater chances in developing certain health risks. Not only this, but only having a couple of shirts and a pair of jeans that fit is not a very conducive wardrobe. Ideally, I would like to lose about 100 lbs in the next 6 months.

Another goal is to get up so that there is time for personal prayer and scripture reading. A definite goal to develop a more habit forming routine where I immerse myself in the scriptures, reading them, praying, and seeking the guidance of Heavenly Father.

From this, the other aspect is to be able to have time to prepare a healthy breakfast for my wife and stepson. A desire that has recently come as an impression to have that morning breakfast time with family. The ability to come together and sit at the table and share the morning with one another, talking about what we have going on for the day, encouraging one another, and developing a more positive family relationship and bond with one another is something that our society today seems to have neglected and lost. Not only this, but once breakfast is done, have a morning family devotion where we read the scriptures together, pray as a family, and start our day off knowing that we are making time for not only ourselves individually, as a family, but most importantly, for our Heavenly Father. The impression is that the more we do this, and commit to doing this on a consistent basis will help bring us closer, and provide a better foundation for our own individual faith in how we grow in our own testimony.

These are the three main areas that I would love to see happen in my home, and develop as a habit where we are consistent.

One of the things that we have decided to adopt is keeping a calender for all necessary appointments so that we know what is going on for the coming week. However, while this is all good, there is much room for improvement in how we are to come together and plan out what is happening in the coming week, but also develop a menu planner so that we know what is for breakfast, lunches, and dinners.

All of this comes down to managing our time as a family effectively and respectively. When we are able to commit to doing the things that we know need to be done, we find that we are not rushing, becoming angry or upset, and starting our day off stressful that the morning did not go as smoothly as expected.

Now, regarding today, there is much to be done. And, as I reflect upon this, my mind is drawn to a favorite hymn that I love to sing sometimes. It is called Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel:

1. The world has need of willing men
Who wear the worker’s seal.
Come, help the good work move along;
Put your shoulder to the wheel.
Put your shoulder to the wheel; push along,
Do your duty with a heart full of song,
We all have work; let no one shirk.
Put your shoulder to the wheel.

2. The Church has need of helping hands,
And hearts that know and feel.
The work to do is here for you;
Put your shoulder to the wheel.
Put your shoulder to the wheel; push along,
Do your duty with a heart full of song,
We all have work; let no one shirk.
Put your shoulder to the wheel.

3. Then don’t stand idly looking on;
The fight with sin is real.
It will be long but must go on;
Put your shoulder to the wheel.
Put your shoulder to the wheel; push along,
Do your duty with a heart full of song,
We all have work; let no one shirk.
Put your shoulder to the wheel.

4. Then work and watch and fight and pray
With all your might and zeal.
Push ev’ry worthy work along;
Put your shoulder to the wheel.
Put your shoulder to the wheel; push along,
Do your duty with a heart full of song,
We all have work; let no one shirk.
Put your shoulder to the wheel.

And, the way I see it, one either can choose to be idle in their duties, or one can roll up their sleeves and get the necessary work that needs to be done, done. Furthermore, it is like what I tell my stepson, “when you actually do the chores and get them done, you will find that there is enough time to do the things that you love to do.” Words of advice that I need to take to heart myself. Yes, because there are those days when I just do not want to get things done. Everything seems to have piled up because of being lazy and just not putting things away, or cleaning up after myself.

This is called procrastination – a poor habit to develop, and a necessary habit to break.

So, what all do I have to accomplish today? Much. Laundry, Kitchen, Bathroom, organize and put clothes away in the bedroom, clean off the dining room table, organize the living room, dust, and ensure that everything is in its appropriate place. Once all this is done, then there is homework to finish up. After all this, then one has time to play.

Only that having a wonderful three month old to care for is one of the most blessings I can ask for.

Therefore, being a stay-at-home parent has its challenges, has its ups and downs, has its good days and bad days. While it is demanding, there is much that I am learning about myself. The ability to manage my time wisely, the ability to plan for and develop a consistent family schedule and routine that works for our busy life, and the ability to integrate personal scripture study, family scripture and prayer, as well as coursework is a worthy challenge. All this keeping me busy and not being idle in anyway.