Is there a better way?

It never fails. The weekend comes and my goal is to ensure that when we wake up Saturday morning, there is nothing that needs to be done. All the laundry is caught up, dishes are caught up, counters cleaned off and organized, everything is placed where it is supposed to be.

Yet, something magical happens. By the time Saturday goes by, Sunday moves along, and then Monday morning comes with the beckoning of work and duties, the house is a complete shambles and disaster.

Clothes piled up on the couch in the computer/office area, counters cluttered and unkempt, dishes are not done, and I am left wondering how to get things organized so I am not wasted much of my day doing nothing but chores.

Not only this, but like any person who sees the mess and chaos, one just gets into the procrastinate mindset and pushes the much needed chores off. Double whammy if one, such as myself, lacks any solid time management skills.

What have I accomplished thus far? Well, laundry is already going, the bed is already made, the dishwasher is running (a second time), refrigerator cleaned out (partially), and just going through picking up things that are either out of place, or have not yet been placed in a home.

Consistency is the key

As I contemplate my dilemma here, the realization is that consistency is the key. Much of our problem (as a family, and myself) is that things are not put away where they are supposed to be. This could be those items that were pulled out to be used and then left abandoned, or things that were recently purchased and has yet to have had a home to go to, or sheer laziness in not wanting to exert the energy to pick things up as we walk by them.

Along with consistency, one has to move from the old habits and start replacing the old habits with new habits. Instead of allowing things to pile up, one needs to get into the habit of making sure everything is done right away. That means, once a load of laundry comes out of the dryer, take the time to fold it right then and there, put the clothes away where they are supposed to be, and then not have to worry about stressing the Mount Everest of laundry one must dig out from underneath.

Not only does this build better habits of making sure things are done right away, it also lessens the amount of time one has to devote toward making sure the house is kept up. If you have ever had a chance to watch any episode of Clean House, you know that those people who live in such chaos and disorder do so because they have gotten into the habit of just putting things where ever and not bother maintaining the home.

The less time you have to spend on keeping the house cleaned, the more time a person has to do those things that they would like to enjoy doing.

It takes strategical planning and implementation

One thing that I have personally adopted, but not really kept up with, is the ability to strategically plan out what needs to be done. This comes under the guise of time management. Do not try and get all the major projects done at once. This will alleviate all the frustrations one faces when they attempt to put too much on their plate. For instance, laundry should not be an all day task. At minimum, in our family anyhow, laundry ought to be done at least every other day. This includes, running the washer, dryer, folding and putting away the clothes.

As for the dishes, most people hate dishes. Yet, if it were the choice of spending money to eat off plastic silverware and paper plates, someone has to ensure that there are clean dishes. The one thing that my wife has constantly been trying to get me to focus on is not leaving the dishes until there is a pile of them. This requires the ability to go from doing all the dishes at once, to making sure the dishwasher is emptied out. An empty dishwasher allows one to rinse, and put the dirty dishes that are used into the dishwasher. Once it is loaded, then the dishwasher is started and the only thing left to do is clean off the counter tops. Again, lessening the amount of time spent rinsing, scrubbing, cleaning, and loading the dishwasher.

Another way to strategize is to work in one area of the house. However one decides to accomplish this, that is up to that person. For me, I like to work on the main areas of the home: Living room, Dining, Room, Sitting room, Kitchen, main bathroom, main hallway. Focusing on these areas and making sure that they are kept up is important so that when you have company over, they leave thinking why can’t we keep our house that cleaned and organized.

Do not get me wrong. I am not advocating that a person’s home needs to be so clean and organized, you feel like you are stepping into a museum. There has to be some signs of civilization. Since we have a 14 month old, she likes to pull things off, read books, and make her own little messes. As long as the place does not smell bad, look like a complete disarray of things, and unkempt in the sense that there is just lack of care, people are very understanding. We should not try and be the one house on the block as the award winning best kept home. It is okay to have signs that the home is being lived in.

Plan and carry out major projects

My wife and I are wanting to build up our food storage. This requires the installation of shelving units, putting items on the shelf, and using the first in and first out rule of product rotation. What is barring us from doing this at the moment? Boxes, and boxes, and furniture that is sitting in the garage. We moved into the home back at the end of October, 2010, and still have not gone through the boxes. We also are planning to host our first Garage sale, but have not gone through the boxes to see what it is that we want to keep, and what it is that we can do without and get rid off.

So, in order for us to start working on our food storage, the one thing that we have to do is go through these boxes, put aside the things we are wanting to get rid of in the garage sale, and put the things we would like to keep, but have no room in the house for them, in a more organized fashion.

The other project that I am personally wanting to start doing is plant and grow my own herb and vegetable garden. Not only does this require some planning, but it is also additional chores to take on as well. If I am not able to manage my time wisely in keeping the house cleaned up, how am I expecting to successfully plant, grow, and harvest our own fruits, vegetables, and herbs?

How does one go about accomplishing these things?

Time management is the key. Building consistent habits is also another key. Focus on getting the little things accomplished will actually pay out in the long run.

Here are some simple steps that one can take to remedy the battle of the mess:

1) Time yourself as to how long it takes you to do each chore.

What this means is for you to time how long it takes you to clean the house from start to finish. A couple of ways to do this are to do an overall time or by timing yourself on each particular housekeeping task. The latter will be the much better because then you can see how long it takes you to clean and organize each part of your home.

Say, for instance, you timed yourself in cleaning the kitchen. You discover that it takes you an hour and a half to clean (that is from start to finish). You mark down how long it took, and then move onto the next section of the house.

2) Record why there is so much of a mess and why you are overwhelmed.

This is where you have to be honest with yourself. No excuse making (because we all do it), but to be honest. Why do you have a pile of clothes that have sat on the couch for the past two weeks? Why are there a pile of dishes sitting in the kitchen sink from dinner last night? Why is there a pile of dirty laundry and your dresser draws are looking like a barren land? The problem is not with other people not doing the chores, the problem is a family issue that begins with the one person whose sole responsibility it is to make sure the place is kept up.

3) Set reasonable and realistic goals.

Changing habits and behaviors is not something that happens over night. It takes consistency, it takes perseverance, and it takes patience. Frustrations will abound. Thoughts will assault you in the form of murmurings and complaints “Why am I the only one that is doing all this?”. It is only when we are able to set manageable and reasonable goals that we can slowly change old habits and behaviors and begin to establish new habits and behaviors that will benefit us.

4) Have a servants heart and attitude.

Everything is about attitude and how we approach things. If we spend our time bickering and moaning about how we are the only ones doing something while others do not step in and help us out, we are making things that much more stressful and harder on ourselves. One thing I am still working on is the fact that because I am a stay-at-home-dad, the main responsibility of maintaining the house is not carried on my wife’s shoulders, my step-son’s shoulders, but it is on my shoulders. I am the one that is responsible for the maintenance and upkeep of the house. When we begin to dance with the thoughts that it is unfair, why should I have to, and other such temperamental reasonings, we begin to dance with anger, despisement, and  judgmental  attitudes.

We have to have a servants heart and attitude. After all, we live in the home, we make just as much of the mess as any other family member, and we are the ones that have the ability to do that which other family members do not have the time to do. Therefore, the expectation is for us to make sure we have a clean and organized home.

Once we overcome the childish behavior and antics, we also will overcome the causation of much stress and strain that plagues many homes today. While it is one thing for family members not to help out and maintain a clean and organized home, it is another to entirely give up and live like pigs just because family members do not have time to focus their energies on the mountain of laundry and dishes that have piled up the last couple of days.

4) Reward yourself

When you have to stress over the chores, stress over the chaos as you survey the mess, you are not able to enjoy your life. Complaints fly like stray bullets in a gun fight because every one else is to blame, but yourself. Complaints of I never have time to do the things I want to do. The reality is that the reason why I am not able to do the things that I want to do is because I personally spend way too much time trying to get my stuff done instead of making sure that the housework is done in a timely and organized manner. It is only when I have the change in attitude and behavior that I could actually place myself in the position of rewarding myself.

This can be going out for a walk with baby, going to a park, sitting down and watching a movie, working on one’s hobby/interests, treating yourself to a nice relaxing time of just listening to soft music. Life is challenging, and it is a struggle sometimes, but we tend to pile unneeded stress on our backs. We tend to become our own slave masters when we should not allow ourselves to be dictated by the mess, but take control of the situation and improve our lives and sanity.

Concluding thoughts

As I looked over the mess our home was in, I did not want to do anything. Why should I clean up the mess. Most of it was not mine to begin with. Why should I fold the clothes? Why should I do anything when I get no help anyway? The reality is this: if it does not get done, it will only get worse. The small pile of clothes will turn into a huge pile of clothes. Dirty dishes will become moldy, and smelly, trash will pile up and things will still be the way that they still are.

What did I do? Started working on getting the things done that needed to get done. Essentially, it boils down to this: Stop your complaining, bitching and whining, buck it up and just get it done

Update on the Job Hunting

Yesterday, my supervisor contacted me and stated that my presence is requested to start work on this coming Monday. This is because I am on lay off status with International Paper. Last time I worked, was for three weeks (last couple of weeks in July and the first week of July). Prior to this, I started with IP when it was Weyerhauser. This was back in October of 2007.

At that time, I had secured employment with Wal-Mart, and too my dismay, was making only 8.40 an hour. This lasted for only a week when Manpower had called me in for a potential employment with a different client of theirs. While at the Bellevue, Washington Office, I noticed they were looking for people to work at Weyerhauser. I inquired about it and ended up getting hired on.

I subsequently quit without notice to Wal-mart, but then again, that is one benefit of an At Will state because an employee can quit with or without notice and with or without just cause in Washington State.

As I started off working, the position was that of General Laborer. There was always overtime every Saturday, with maybe one full weekend off work once a month. Life started turning around for the better.

It was hard work. However, after a couple of months, I bid on a classified position, got the position, and started working for better pay because of this new position. On top of this, I had become part of the Safety Committee. Progressing into more high paying positions, working Monday through Friday, sometimes switching over to swing shift, my wife and I started getting things taken care of.

This all was accomplished within 1 year.

The bad news came in November when the recession started to first hit, and because of Seniority, I was laid off. Three months out of work, and my wife bringing in the only income. Life had become a bit hard for us. I then started working for Corestaff at AmazonFresh as a warehouse associate. After almost 6 months of work, I was let go because I had clocked in three seconds late.

This also was the time Becky and I knew we were having a baby. Concern, prayer, and consolations kept us going.

As my thoughts turn, we are trying to find a babysitter for Megan. We can’t afford much, and the whole “stay-at-home” dad experience may come to an abrupt end for a time. I am not sure how long I will be working. For the most part, it may only be to cover vacations. Last year, when I was called back to work, it was only for three weeks. This was prior to the birth of our daughter Megan.

Since that time, I have stayed at home, searching for employment and working on my studies through Kaplan University.

When Megan was finally born, my wife and I spent as much time as possible bonding with her. The first couple of month’s, we spent sleeping out in the living. My wife in the Recliner, and I slept on the futon. Because she had a C-Section, she could not get into our bed, and it became a privilege to care for Megan and My wife. Caring for them in a way I could have never thought possible.

Holding my little girl in my arms, walking the “circuit” (through the kitchen and down the hall), it was my time with her. six and a half months later, her I am reminiscing on the wonderful six months of my life.

As my wife and I discuss me going back to work, emotions seem to flood me. The reality that I will not be holding her, interacting with her, watching her grow every day is really hitting hard. Part of me knows that when I go back to work, it is good money. It will help us out financially. Yet, there is the other part of me that says “I don’t want to go back to work.”

My wife commented by saying “now you know how I felt”. And, when I took Megan over for our usual lunch date, my wife asked me if I would cry all the way to work? I simply shrugged my shoulders and silently said that I hoped I would have reigned in my emotions. However, and in all honesty, the thought of not being around my little girl really is hard.

This bond that I have with my daughter is very meaningful to me, especially since she is the only one of my four children that I have spent this much time with, watch make those milestones. She is already pulling herself up, we are starting to teach her to take steps and helping her build her confidence and balance.

And, while we were talking about returning back to work, my wife (and subsequently, her co-workers) related to me that it really is a tough emotional time. My wife kept herself busy, but cried the first week she was back at work. I am sure that there are going to be those moments I will be catching myself thinking “if I were home right now, this is what Megan I would be doing”.

This whole stay at home parenting is a new experience. It is a worthwhile experience, and I am grateful for the bond that my daughter and I have. I hold her close to me and all the cares in the world seem to go away for that moment. It is like, her and I are there and nothing else matters.

Honestly, I will miss my little angel while at work.

The Toughest Job Ever

The apartment is in disarray. Megan is asleep, my wife (Rebecca) has just left for work, and my step-son is supposed to be getting up and ready for school. As for me? I am already planning the best strategy to complete all the things that need to be completed. So far, the following chores need to be accomplished:

1) Laundry
2) Living cleaned up and organized
3) Bedroom cleaned up and organized, Bed made
4) Kitchen cleaned up and organized
5) Bathroom cleaned up
6) Apartment vacuumed

Not only must I tackle and complete these six tasks, my day is split up in where I bring Megan to my wife’s place of employment for our lunch date and then going to pick up my step-son from school. And, keep in mind, I have my online schooling that I have to fit into my schedule every day. Currently, my Network Concepts class is behind because I have three assignments that I still have not even started, a final project that I need to have completed before the end of Unit 9 (which is in the next two weeks), and have to complete my Writing for the Multimedia and Web class assignments and projects.

Not only must all these need to be accomplished, I have to also seek out employment – that is the toughest part. Without a babysitter, especially one willing to watch Megan without pay, is proving very difficult. On several occasions, my wife and I have called on some stay-at-home moms from our ward to help us out and we get the “silent treatment”, meaning, no one replies to our email messages. We have not tried calling them, but if they can’t respond to an email, I am wondering if they would respond to a phone call, or a voice mail message.

Therefore, being a stay-at-home parent, it is quite tough. There is so much too jungle in one day. And, when you get no help from people, it makes it even tougher.

Truth be told, there was one day I was driving back home from somewhere (I think it was after dropping off David at scouts) where Megan started fussing and not being able to give her what she needed, I broke down and started crying. As hard as I attempted to bite back the emotions, the more they flooded me. It takes a lot to get me to that breaking point.

This whole journey has given me a serious eye-opener on the reality of what stay-at-home mom’s deal with on a day to day basis. They say that the best way to understand another person’s perspective is to walk a mile in their shoes, and here I am, walking in the shoes of many frustrated stay at home parents.

Do not get me wrong, I enjoy my days. Despite all the frustrations, emotional bouts of depression and sense of worthlessness, there is always a beautiful smile, the cuddling with my daughter. In fact, all of the firsts that I missed with my three other children, I am able to experience with my daughter Megan.

Being home with her has not only given me this unique perspective, it has also given me that bond that I truly never had with my other two children.

There are definite moments when I feel down, my daughter’s smile brightens my day.

If anyone ever tells me that they have the toughest job in the world, my response to them is this: Try being a stay at home parent and then come tell me whether or not you have the toughest job in the world.