Just the beginning

I can’t begin to tell you how amazing it was to wake up in the morning to a giggling 14 month old, stumbling out of the bedroom while still wiping the sleep from my eyes, and noticing that the house had been cleaned. No clothes piled on the couch, nothing on the living room floor from tornado Megan, no dishes in the sink, and no dirty clothes needing to be done (except for some of Megan’s). All in all, it was a definite good morning. Knowing that when things are actually taken care of, there really is time for all the other fun stuff left for us to do.

It came right down to not having to stress so much over all that was not done, and actually noticing all that was done and appreciating the fact it had gotten done. And, when my wife and step-son had come home, they helped out in getting what else I could not do.

So, what did I end up doing today? Certainly did not put my hair up in curls, curled up on the couch with my bon-bon’s and watched Soap Opera’s all day long. Actually, after piddling around on the computer and checking my blogs, Facebook, and all the other wonderful social networking sites, I decided that it is time to go out and dance with some boxes.

Our garage is still full of boxes. We have rummaged through some of them, while others, we just shifted from one spot to the next. There was no order. I decided to flex my complacent muscles, and began shifting some boxes. It was like Tetris on a more reality television show scale.

All the boxes are now situated so that all we have to do (and when I say we, that includes my wife) is grab a box, go through that box and decide one of three things: 1) Find a place for it in the house, 2) Put it in a box and put it in storage, or 3) put it in a box for our up-coming garage sale.

As I discussed this with Beck, we have agreed that if something is brought into the house, we better have a place for it. If we don’t then we need to decide if it goes in storage or in the garage sale.

After everything got situated, there appeared enough room for us to actually park the car in the garage and not have it sleep out in the driveway.

And Megan, bless her little heart, she was out in the garage with daddy watching him and playing in her own little world. Granted, there were a couple of times she gave me a good scare where I looked up and did not know where she had gone to (she ended up going up the stairs, back into the house through the pet door, and then into the bathroom where she had shut the door).

What, then, is the moral of this story here? When you actually buck down, roll up those shirt sleeves, and get to cleaning up, then you are not going to stress out about the mess that is piling up and treated like an invisible elephant.

Providential Living for our Time

Today is definitely a very productive and busy day. Cleaning up after Megan is always a constant chore. My wife uses the analogy of trying to shovel away snow in a blizzard – you are not going to get very far. While there is still much to do around the house, the fact of the matter is that one of my New Year goals is to work on my writing.

With the 20-11 WordPress blog challenge underway (and me coming aboard four days into the challenge), I have already posted one article over at Reasoning with the Critics and two on the Angry American Patriot blog.

What, then, do I have planned for the House Husband Journal? Today, the focus will be on introducing the concept of providential living. Much of what is discussed here (and in forthcoming articles) will be information that is based upon the self-reliance teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

What is Providential living?

Loosely, the concept of providential living is defined as the ability for an individual to possess the capacity to meet their own spiritual and physical needs. It is the ability to sustain oneself and meet their essential needs. This is typically focusing on providing for one’s shelter, food, and clothing. Basic essentials. However, a more accurate answer to this question is provided by Elder Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles:

Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

What is a provident provider?

All of us are responsible to provide for ourselves and our families in both temporal and spiritual ways. To provide providently, we must practice the principles of provident living: joyfully living within our means, being content with what we have, avoiding excessive debt, and diligently saving and preparing for rainy-day emergencies. When we live providently, we can provide for ourselves and our families and also follow the Savior’s example to serve and bless others. (From Becoming Provident Providers Temporally and Spiritually speech at the April 2009 general conference.)

As a stay-at-home parent and being reliant upon one main source of income, my wife and I have made decisions to cut out unnecessary expenses of things we do not need. This means, limiting the amount of times we eat out. In fact, it is one of our New Year Goals as a family to spend more time eating in than eating out. Yet, this is not the only area where a providentially minded home has to focus on.

Basic ingredients to make your own laundry detergent

We have also decided to become a “green home” in that we no longer purchase commercial grade household cleaner‘s, laundry detergent, and fabric softener. Instead, we have cut much of our cost in this area by purchasing the necessary items to make our own household cleaners. Recently, we had to make a new 5-gallon bucket of laundry detergent and used only Arm and Hammer Washing Soda, Zote Soap (or Fels-Naptha), and 20 Mule Team Borax. As for our fabric softener, we add 1/4 cup of White Distilled Vinegar to the Rinse cycle. There are two additional ingredients that we add to our homemade liquid laundry detergent and that is Oxi-clean and our choice of essential oils with Tea Tree. The initial investment will be the brunt of your out-of-pocket expense, however, the savings definitely pay in the end when you have to replenish the basic ingredients.

Going from making our own laundry detergent, having White Distilled Vinegar on hand is one of the best things every household could invest in. Vinegar is actually a cleaning agent for all types of household chores.

Recently, I have gone out and purchased empty spray bottles that will handle the day-t0-day usage and made my own all-purpose cleaner. A simple 1 part vinegar to 1 part water, and some drops of favorite essential oils. The only cost, the bottle, vinegar, and essential oils.

Going from the household cleaning supplies, we also have cut down on what we spend at the Grocery store by being cognizant of what we are buying. This utilizes the commitment in creating a family menu. Whether it is a weekly, bi-weekly, or even a monthly menu, as a family, we sit down and come up with a menu plan of what we need. Since we also maintain an inventory of what items we already have on hand (a very important and arduous task at the initial outset), we go through and incorporate what we have with the menu items for that day. Three meals a day, we are able to go to the store and purchase those necessary items without wasting time figuring out what will be for dinner.

Another are of providential living is the ability to put together a family rainy day fund. The purpose of this fund is to provide income during times that will allow for the continuation of paying bills, necessary expenses, and the like while a family is faced with the situation of having limited or no income otherwise needed to support themselves. If one is not in place (like with our family) there has to be some creative development in accomplishing this.

The best solution to this is to put aside $160.00 per paycheck into a dedicated savings for emergencies only. This comes from when I resided at the Aloha Inn transitional housing program of Seattle, Washington. Residents there, who were employed, were required to put aside $320.00 per month ($160.00 every two weeks, or $80.00 weekly). By the end of the nine month program, a resident will have $3200.00 saved up and at their disposal for the ability to pay first, last, deposit and furnish their own place. Thus, taking this savings concept and applying it in the family setting, a family ought to have saved $3,840.00 in a 12-month period. However, it does not end here. The one thing my wife and I have already done is taken our spare change and placed it into a make-shift piggy bank. At the end of every month, we go through and roll up all the coins that we are able to, record the amount that is contained in this bank, and use it for immediate emergencies as necessary (our recent emergency was having to use $10.00 for gas). Using this spare change that we keep on hand helps us when we get into a bind.

From here, we also are challenged to focus on how we are able to get out of debt by figuring out what bills need to be paid off, working with creditors in maybe lowering the minimum payments, and doing what we can to pay what we can. Sometimes this benefits an individual, at other times it is quite difficult. Yet, the ability to become self-sufficient requires sacrifice and commitment to live within one’s means.

How then is this providential living?

Our home is no longer dependent upon the fret of whether we have enough money to purchase the necessary commercial grade cleaners to maintain a clean home. Majority of our cleaning now incorporates homemade cleaners that do far better than what most of the commercial grades could do. Whether we make our own laundry detergent that lasts us over a years time, to making our own all-purpose cleaner with essential oils, we have saved money in our pocket book and on our grocery bill.

And, the utilization of creating a bi-weekly menu item helps us save money by only focusing on those specific items we need. Also, the need to eliminate unnecessary foods that we should steer clear from – this includes items as soda, chips, non-nutritious snack items and unnecessary grocery items.

Reigning in your finances, establishing a budget, sacrificing some unnecessary expenditures, and living within our means requires creative thinking, willingness to let go of some of the more luxury items that we can do without, as well as not further placing our family into more debt than we already are.

Final Thoughts

As previously stated, forthcoming articles will focus on how a stay-at-home parent can work on establishing a providential house, becoming self-reliant, and the ability to function in our current economical trials.

De-cluttering that Kitchen

This morning, I received an e-newsletter from Innovatively Organized. The feature article that caught my interest is about the Kitchen and making it clutter free. As I look at my kitchen, I noticed that it is not clutter free. Dishes are on one counter, bottles needing to be cleaned, two boxes with baby food and regular food are on the other counter, and things are just not organized. Our cabinets are bulging with items that we have placed in them and abandoned. Yet, as I read this article, my thoughts are on how to make the kitchen in our new home more user-friendly and without all the clutter. And, while I am not the most organized gent, the kitchen has come to be my sandbox where everything ought to have its own place. Therefore, adapting some of the advice from More Cooking – Less Clutter, this article will focus on how to have a kitchen that is presentable, clean, and organized in a way that does not cause someone, like my wife, to avoid it all together.

As I read the article, and something to think about as you read this, is how and in what capacity is the Kitchen/dining room area used. Yesterday, I had to pack up all of my wife’s Party Lite products that had occupied our dining room table. Since this was because we are in the process of getting ready for our big move, the fact is that our dining room table is used for a variety of things. Homework, dinner, family counsels, family home evenings, and scripture reading/studying. The kitchen also becomes cluttered with dishes that need to be cleaned, mail, and other things that we just happened to place on the counters.

So, what is one to do? The first advice the article mentions is that anything on the kitchen counters not being used daily needs to be removed. Take a look at your kitchen counters, count how many things that are there you use infrequently. As I do this, there is an appliance we use to boil water. Another is the bottle warmer we hardly use. A scale that is only used when we buy bulk hamburger meat and we need to portion out. Boxes of food that need to be placed in our pantry. Cleaning supplies that need to get placed where they belong.

The next advice that is mentioned is one that I myself, and my wife at that matter, am always tired of dealing with. This concerns the refrigerator and how food items are stored. In this regards, the article mentions a way to organize items by similarities. Typically, we keep milk on the top shelf (because we usually get two gallons at a time). Condiments should be placed together – my preference is in the door of the fridge. Now, the leftovers is a whole other thing. Ever cook and then there are leftovers? These tend to get pushed back in the fridge and then are discovered when one is foraging for something to eat, or cleaning out the fridge. By this time, a science project is under development, and one has to discard the mysterious substance. The article suggests making a designated area in the front of the fridge so that you are always aware that you had made that last night, and incorporate it in the menu for that day.

Third, organize the utensils. Almost every kitchen out to have a carousel for their utensils. This makes for quick access to what one needs. Others place their utensils in a drawer, typically below the silverware drawer. The article also suggests that these items be stored closer to the sink. Since our sink is on one side of the kitchen, I prefer to keep these items next to the stove.

This fourth tip is one that I definitely will incorporate in our new home and kitchen. The article suggests making a dedicated zone in the kitchen that is specifically for lunch making. This area should be where you keep the necessary items for making up a lunch. Keep in mind not to clutter this area. My personal suggestion on this is to keep one box of sandwich bags, brown bags, or lunch boxes, in a small area. This, however, is dependent upon the size of one’s kitchen and counter space. If there is little space, dedicate a shelf for these items.

The final suggestion is one that my wife has consistently ask of me to accomplish. That is, keeping anything that does not belong in the kitchen out of the kitchen. The author advises not to take individual items out of the kitchen and place them in their respective spots, but place them in a box or something that can be taken care of once you have your kitchen organized in a way that works for you – ensuring that it is not cluttered.

Once the kitchen is organized and one has everything situated the way they desire, the ease of being able to find what you need makes cooking all the more fun. For me, one of my biggest pet peeves is not putting dishes away in their proper and designated area. Much like the food in the fridge, organize dishes, pots and pans, and all kitchen items with like items. For me, this is putting all the frying pans in one place, stacking from biggest to the smallest. Making sure that the right lids for the pots are covering them, and the pots are stacked according to size as well. If one has too many pots and pans, maybe it is time to go through and get rid of all those pots and pans that one is not using. A kitchen should have only one set of pans – stock pot, three different sizes of sauce pans, a wok, a large skillet, medium, small skillet, and a canning pot. Baking items also need to be organized and should only have no more than three cookie sheets, two muffin pans, two loaf pans, and two roasting pans.

Now, with the opportunity of moving, hopefully I could go through and keep the pans we use on a regular basis, and remove the excess pots and pans we do not need to have. This will free up more cabinet space.

All in all, when one takes the time to organize their kitchen, the sense of having that aspect de-cluttered relaxes the mind, and one is not stressed out when they are trying to rifle through pots and pans to find that one saucepan, or frustrated in having to move, shove, push, or work in a small space.

If you have any other ideas on how to de-clutter your kitchen, feel free to share them. Right now, I have to go because Megan is deciding to take all the towels off the shelf in our bathroom.

The Most Important Thing!

People I worked with just did not get it.

It did not matter how I explained it, they just did not understand. Since June 14 of this year, I had gone back to work with my employer, International Paper. The last time I worked for them was August of 2009 and it only lasted for three weeks. This time, I worked until Monday of last week (October 11, 2010) when I received the news that the company was laying me off. A blessing and a curse at the same time.

“Other people have families,” one co-worker told me as we were walking toward the lunchroom. Granted, people do have families. Yet, most of the people I work with prefer the swing shift. While the shift differential is insignificant, the reality is that work is work – especially in our economy these days.

The first week back to work, my schedule was days. That lasted a week, and then I was bumped (because of seniority of another employee) from days to swing. Being the lowest rung of the ladder, I had no choice in the matter. Not only did this prevent any time with my family, it also had a drastic effect on my school studies. Yet, the most important thing this affected was the time with my family.

Working swing shift is not a problem if I was not married, and living on my own. That is a whole different story. However, with a baby that is blossoming into a beautiful young woman, the reality settled in that I missed my family.

This is what people who I worked with just did not get. The most important thing to me is the relationship with my family. While I enjoy working, and had fun at work, my thoughts were constantly turned to how my wife is doing, my daughter Megan is doing and all the wonderful moments that I am missing out on.

I truly missed being home with my family. That is what people did not get.

Several family home evenings were missed, and any attempt at scheduling a solid family home evening had proved difficult. Saturdays became the day where time with family was sandwiched between running to and fro to get necessary errands done. By the time Sunday came, my wife and I dreaded the reality of the passing of our day of rest for a week-long frenzy of not having to see each other, communicate via phone and text message, and me coming home between 1 am and 3 am in the morning (the latter if I had worked overtime).

My wife kept her chin up – constantly informing me the importance of working and how it is helping us out at the moment. She kept advising that I work until they lay me off.

Since I took a mini vacation and just relaxed, this morning, I woke up knowing what lies ahead. Packing up a two bedroom apartment, getting it thoroughly cleaned, and getting homework done. Also knowing that we had to give back the second car to my father-in-law.

Down to one car, down to one income (unless unemployment benefits kick in), and me being a stay-at-home parent with a move looming on the horizon is all pressing down. Despite this, I had accomplished much.

One of my projects was to get the dining room table cleared off so that we could sit down at the table as a family and have family meals. With a simple turkey roast dinner, mashed potatoes, and carrots, it was nice to be at the table with my wife, stepson, father-in-law, and Megan. In fact, it was the first time Megan actually sat at the table with us (unless we were dining out).

The other aspect of being home, and with my stepson’s father agreeing to the change in when him and his son see each other, we have a family home evening on Monday nights.

Some things we discussed at our first FHE that we had not had in a long time were how we will start having family meals for breakfast and dinner at the table. Regular family scripture reading and prayer, consistency in participating in FHE, and that we will be doing a chore list after we move into our new home.

As busy as life is, that I am home and able to spend time with my family is one of the most important things in my life. I have missed my family.

Monday Monday – A New Day and a New Month

It is another typical Monday morning. Woke up around 6 am (when I had wanted to wake up around 4 in the morning), rushed to get dressed, and get our 3 month old ready to go.

There is much that needs to be accomplished today. Luckily, my wife and I had called on a friend to come over and help tend to the care of our little girl. She is a definite blessing in our lives. Always smiling, she is discovering her laughter, and the ability to talk in her own unique way.

Some of the things I had wanted to accomplish today (hence, the reason behind wanting to wake up at 4 in the morning) were to exercise for 20 minutes a day. This is one goal that I would like to commit in accomplishing. Being overweight is no fun, and at my age, there is greater chances in developing certain health risks. Not only this, but only having a couple of shirts and a pair of jeans that fit is not a very conducive wardrobe. Ideally, I would like to lose about 100 lbs in the next 6 months.

Another goal is to get up so that there is time for personal prayer and scripture reading. A definite goal to develop a more habit forming routine where I immerse myself in the scriptures, reading them, praying, and seeking the guidance of Heavenly Father.

From this, the other aspect is to be able to have time to prepare a healthy breakfast for my wife and stepson. A desire that has recently come as an impression to have that morning breakfast time with family. The ability to come together and sit at the table and share the morning with one another, talking about what we have going on for the day, encouraging one another, and developing a more positive family relationship and bond with one another is something that our society today seems to have neglected and lost. Not only this, but once breakfast is done, have a morning family devotion where we read the scriptures together, pray as a family, and start our day off knowing that we are making time for not only ourselves individually, as a family, but most importantly, for our Heavenly Father. The impression is that the more we do this, and commit to doing this on a consistent basis will help bring us closer, and provide a better foundation for our own individual faith in how we grow in our own testimony.

These are the three main areas that I would love to see happen in my home, and develop as a habit where we are consistent.

One of the things that we have decided to adopt is keeping a calender for all necessary appointments so that we know what is going on for the coming week. However, while this is all good, there is much room for improvement in how we are to come together and plan out what is happening in the coming week, but also develop a menu planner so that we know what is for breakfast, lunches, and dinners.

All of this comes down to managing our time as a family effectively and respectively. When we are able to commit to doing the things that we know need to be done, we find that we are not rushing, becoming angry or upset, and starting our day off stressful that the morning did not go as smoothly as expected.

Now, regarding today, there is much to be done. And, as I reflect upon this, my mind is drawn to a favorite hymn that I love to sing sometimes. It is called Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel:

1. The world has need of willing men
Who wear the worker’s seal.
Come, help the good work move along;
Put your shoulder to the wheel.
Put your shoulder to the wheel; push along,
Do your duty with a heart full of song,
We all have work; let no one shirk.
Put your shoulder to the wheel.

2. The Church has need of helping hands,
And hearts that know and feel.
The work to do is here for you;
Put your shoulder to the wheel.
Put your shoulder to the wheel; push along,
Do your duty with a heart full of song,
We all have work; let no one shirk.
Put your shoulder to the wheel.

3. Then don’t stand idly looking on;
The fight with sin is real.
It will be long but must go on;
Put your shoulder to the wheel.
Put your shoulder to the wheel; push along,
Do your duty with a heart full of song,
We all have work; let no one shirk.
Put your shoulder to the wheel.

4. Then work and watch and fight and pray
With all your might and zeal.
Push ev’ry worthy work along;
Put your shoulder to the wheel.
Put your shoulder to the wheel; push along,
Do your duty with a heart full of song,
We all have work; let no one shirk.
Put your shoulder to the wheel.

And, the way I see it, one either can choose to be idle in their duties, or one can roll up their sleeves and get the necessary work that needs to be done, done. Furthermore, it is like what I tell my stepson, “when you actually do the chores and get them done, you will find that there is enough time to do the things that you love to do.” Words of advice that I need to take to heart myself. Yes, because there are those days when I just do not want to get things done. Everything seems to have piled up because of being lazy and just not putting things away, or cleaning up after myself.

This is called procrastination – a poor habit to develop, and a necessary habit to break.

So, what all do I have to accomplish today? Much. Laundry, Kitchen, Bathroom, organize and put clothes away in the bedroom, clean off the dining room table, organize the living room, dust, and ensure that everything is in its appropriate place. Once all this is done, then there is homework to finish up. After all this, then one has time to play.

Only that having a wonderful three month old to care for is one of the most blessings I can ask for.

Therefore, being a stay-at-home parent has its challenges, has its ups and downs, has its good days and bad days. While it is demanding, there is much that I am learning about myself. The ability to manage my time wisely, the ability to plan for and develop a consistent family schedule and routine that works for our busy life, and the ability to integrate personal scripture study, family scripture and prayer, as well as coursework is a worthy challenge. All this keeping me busy and not being idle in anyway.

Mr. Mom – I am now a House Husband

In 1983, a movie that starred Michael Keaton, had the story line where an unemployed Auto Factory worker has become Mr. Mom. Today, this is my reality. While Mr. Mom is one of my favorite Michael Keaton films (and a bit of a slap stick comedy of its time), the reality and challenges I face as Mr. Mom (or a more modern term – House Husband) are sometimes comical, while at other times down right exhausting and stressful.

Does it bother me that my wife is out working while I am mostly at home tending to the household chores, care of an almost 3 month old, scheduling necessary appointments, making up the weekly menu planner, getting the laundry caught up, house/apartment cleaned up, cooking, on top of my employment search, writing projects, and schoolwork for a Bachelor’s in Arts and Science? In some ways, yes.

And, not only does this bother me to some extent, that it bothers my wife as well. Yet, she has also commented on how that me being home with our three month old is saving us money, as well as going from two vehicles to one. Thus, there are benefits to being a stay at home dad, and there are some disadvantages.

Despite the change in roles, the ability to stay-at-home, and spend time with my daughter is something I will not want to trade.