Cyber bullying and stalking
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Recently, some articles were published at the two columns I write for at Examiner.com. The first is the Seattle Multi-Faith Examiner and the second is the Marysville Parenting Examiner. Both columns focus on distinct parts of the local communities of the Greater Seattle Area and the Marysville Area. The former being a focus on what is going on in the Seattle Faith Community, tips, advise, and inspiration for those who are part of the Greater Seattle and come from a diverse background of religious convictions. The latter is parenting advice, family events, and information for parents who reside in the Marysville, Washington area. Apparently, one particular article that was published at the Marysville Parenting Examiner offended someone. How it could have offended them, my guess is as good as yours. Yet, this individual decided to make it her personal objective to attack me, attack my position and circumstance, the advice given, and even my own parenting style. Therefore, this article is focusing on how we as parents sometimes receive ridicule and mockery from those individuals around us who think they know better than we do. In addition, it will expose Alexandria Abedia’s personification. How she spoke out of line when she published her comments and twitter updates, directing them specifically toward me. In a sense, this article does two things, exposes the foolishness and blind ignorance and hate an individual has, as well as publishing her own words to show forth that she is held accountable for what she had said and published.
Examiner.com is hosting a Back to School drive. Examiner.com contributors (independent contractors) are asked if they can angle some of their content toward the Back-To-School. There are suggested topics provided. In one particular article, I decided to write and publish about bringing the family back to the table and making family a priority at the beginning of the school year; attaching a challenge within the context of the article itself. An innocent, quick blurb about the challenge and establishing one night a week for family time should not be something that would cause controversy or offense. Despite this, Alexandria Abedia took offense to this and published this on the Marysville Parenting Examiner Facebook Page:
Your parenting ideals are completely off base. I just wasted several minutes of my life reading the drivel you’ve written on parenting. All I can do is pray for your children, if in fact, you actually have any. (I hope not)”
Her rant did not stop there. On a question poised at the Facebook Page, she replied to the question – What challenges do you face as a parent? With a comment that essentially stated how she likes to respond to moronic and pathetic fathers who do not go out and support their families. Now, when I first read those statements, I started to respond to them. In the midst of publishing my reply and realizing what I am doing, it was better to let things lay. Delete the offending comments, ban her from the Facebook page, and be done with it.
Having done just that, it was not until I went into my twitter account and discovered these tweets from the same person:
blawes0me Alexandria Abadie
@
@SeattleGhost This article had so much potential, yet you sloughed it off at every turn. You’re stay at home parent, how do you know stress?
The article she is referring to here is the Back to school: Bringing Families back to the table. A friend of mine had notified me about her comment there. Since having already banned her, I did not see the comments (because I blocked her on Facebook, and therefore, since Examiner.com uses the Facebook plugin for commenting on articles – I would not see them), this was what was written from her:
Two hours of perpetration? Timothy, exactly how many children do you have? How old are they? How long have you been married? Did you actually do any research on this? Or is this more of a wishlist? Who on earth is your editor? They need to read this
By this time, emotions are running amuck within me. Keeping my anger, keeping my cool, I refused to cave into her narcissistic moments of viral infection of rants and ravings. Instead, I did the next best thing. Copied as many of her comments I have found and reserved them so that if and when asked why I am ignoring her, I can provide her very own words to show her how idiotic and foolish sounding she truly is.
Here are the remaining comments she has made toward me:
Alexandria Andrews · Lafayette, Louisiana
How is this a nice article? It’s subjective – this isn’t reporting -this is cherry picking facts from people who didn’t actually have anything to do with history when it comes to the constitution.
[Like]
· Reply · 13 hours ago
Alexandria Andrews · Lafayette, Louisiana
John Fiske had nothing to do with any amendment. How is this actually printed. What is your editor’s contact information? Someone should stop, or at the very least put some sort of idiot warning, on all articles like this.
[Like]
· Reply · 13 hours ago
Alexandria Andrews · Lafayette, Louisiana
@Timothy, why did you hide your facebook page? Why are you taking an article titled “separation of church and state’ and turning it into ‘if a bull dies, the slave dies’ – also, who exactly is your editor?
[Like]
· Reply · 11 hours ago
Alexandria Andrews · Lafayette, LouisianaLOL, @timothy berman – Facebook user? Seriously? I guess that defines the convictions behind your words.
[Like]
· Reply · 11 hours ago
[Submit]
Alexandria Andrews · Lafayette, Louisiana
The father is the head of the family? I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.
[Like]
· Reply · 14 hours ago
blawes0me Alexandria Abadie
@
@SeattleGhost @Sarahbear9789 Timothy, you’ve proved you’re completely spineless, please don’t write a book – someone may take it seriously.
»
blawes0me Alexandria Abadie
@
@SeattleGhost Hi Timothy! You responded to me and then deleted your reply. I just want your other 174 followers to know you’re a coward.
»
blawes0me Alexandria Abadie
@
@SeattleGhost Sweet! Let’s cherry pick some more facts! Perhaps, the world is still flat? Pop rocks and coke will indeed kill you? Pathetic
What we have here is evidence of cyber stalking and cyber bullying. For parents who have children that experience far worse kinds of harassment and statement, the best antidote in dealing with these types of individuals is to record their comments. Do not just retype their words, copy and paste them into a word document from the email notification you get. Create a folder in your email to save those notifications. You would want to save the entire email because that gives a time stamp, date, and important information as to IP Address and the like.
The other thing to do, and this will infuriate the cyber stalker and bully further is to publish their comments online in a blog posting. Provide only the facts relevant to the situation and do your best to refrain from commenting out of frustration and anger – especially since most of these types of ilks utilize ridicule, mockery, and personal jabs against someone. Publish their comments because it is their own words that you want to expose, and the more exposure that their words receives, the more they realize how much of a greater fool that they are showing themselves out to be. I would not worry about removing hyperlinks that lead someone to their Facebook page, twitter account, or any other online username account. After all, once they publish it (and more specifically, when they delete the comment), you still have the record of what they said, when it was published and they can’t falsely accuse you of making it up: “I did not say that, they are lying” because they want to save face. They don’t want people to know how idiotic they truly are acting online and how foolishly they are portraying themselves to be.
As the school year comes underway, it is a good reminder that parents ought to be very diligent in knowing what their children are doing online, whom they are interacting with, and being aware of any instances where there is the possibility of cyber bullying and cyber stalking. We know this does not only happen to children; adults participate in this type of activity as well and in some instances are far worse than children can be.
You go Tim! This woman started out by being inexplicably angry and offensive and is blindly using her words to harm. Such disregard for simple civility strips her bite to a mere bark. I applaud you for standing your ground!
Why do people waste their time insulting perfect strangers? I thought your post was interesting because I hadn’t thought much about online bullying between adults- mostly I’ve just heard about it with kids. I guess just because a person reaches a certain age does not mean they necessarily have reached a certain maturity level. Keep on writing please!
More insidious statements from my stalker:
blawes0me Alexandria Abadie
@SeattleGhost So now you’re deleting comments I make in defense of myself? Yup. Coward really does sum it up. Go actually parent.
18 minutes ago Favorite Retweet Reply
************
Yep, I moderate my blog and if your comments are offensive, unintelligible, ignorant, insulting, and without respect they deserve to be placed in the trash.
*************
blawes0me Alexandria Abadie
@
@SeattleGhost Much better to parent from your computer and let the wee ones fend for themselves! Keep on writing, champ!
3 hours ago
I actually parent very well thank you very much. I interact with my daughter, work on paper work for scholarship applications, work on my school work and clean house. I know how to multi-task? About the only thing you know how to do is insult people. Keep up the trash talk stalker
**************
blawes0me Alexandria Abadie
@
@SeattleGhost Change my song and dance? You write A LOT, yet you comprehend absolutely nothing. Go crawl back in your hole o’ narcissism.
You are right, I comprehend nothing when I utilize my critical thinking skills and see through your smoke and screen and know exactly what type of individual you are, what you enjoy doing, and how you are getting your glory kicks off this. Drugs can be addictive can’t they?
You see folks, this is typical behavior of the Stalker and Cyber Bully mentality. They feel that they are in the right and they are the ones being made out to be the victims. The blinders are one and because the light has exposed her for who she is, she rather slithers back into the darkness and continue her monologue rantings against me because she can’t swallow her pride to actually offer a sincere and humble apology. To do so would mean she has to accept the reality that what she said, and what she continues to say is disrespectful, out of line, and continually showing forth her own mental anguish and narcassitic addiction for attention. Yes, I am giving her the attention, but not in the way she wants to draw me in. She wants me to enter the mud wrestling ring and I refuse.
Yet, she is angry when I point out her own statements, words, and insults she is slinging without regard for how she is behaving online. Some will disagree with this type of tactic, but folks, having interacted online over the years, I have learned that people like this want attention. They want people to engage them. Take away their platform, they have nothing. Take away the attention, they have nothing. However, when you also publish and post their own words in how they are using those words, they become enraged because they realize that these comments are now part of the cyberworld and they suddenly want to distance themselves. Yet, who is to blame for how she is insulting? Am I responsible? No, I am not. The more insults she slings, the deeper in the mud she wallows. It is not until she gets a serious reality slap across the proverbial face and wake up out of her delusions of grandeur and realize that she has been caught red handed and therefore needs to accept responsibilities for her words and what she has said.
I do not give any sympathy toward her.
What about allowing her to defend herself? Think about this question for a moment. If your son or daughter received such insults from someone and you did everything to diffuse the situation and the rants and insults continue, would you not want that bully to take responsibility and accountability? Why let them defend themselves when her own words convict her for what she is doing. To what extent would she defend herself? “I did not say those things,” or “you are taking them out of context”, or better yet – “you are not comprehending what I was trying to say, I was only critiquing what you wrote!”
Sorry, that is not a valid defense when your hand got caught in the proverbial cookie jar. What needs to be said is “You know what, I did say those things and I was completely out of line for insulting you and your parenting skills. I did not realize how my words came across and I would be offended as well. I sincerely offer my apologies toward you and will delete those comments where I have insulted you.”
However, that is most unlikely going to happen.
Uh Tim; B here, just over from Greg’s SocialGo page…
That last paragraph where you said; “This does not happen to Children”. You probably meant to say “This does not happen *only* to Children”; correct? I’m no Editor but I’ll gladly volunteer if you need a proofreader.
Brian,
Thank you for that correction – will make the necessary change.
“Even more interesting is that she is putting herself out to be a Christian. What a prime she is in representing Jesus Christ!”
I was putting myself off to be sarcastic. Prime representation of JC? You resorted to calling me a whore. This is such utter failure.
If you don’t want your thoughts criticized, don’t post articles claiming to be a journalist on the internet. Go ahead and keep my name and location up, you’re absolutely right on that point. Besides, calling someone like you out is worth any harassment I’d get (none, by the way, no one cares).You are NOT right on posting my words out of context. That’s not journalism with integrity, it’s just you being angry.
Further, I attempted to contact you and you cut off all means. I’d love to have a discussion with you. I know, for a fact, I’d be able to give you some parenting tips as well as better outlooks since it seems you’ve taken the task as a chore and not the blessing it is.
Good luck with your parenting, I hope your writing skills improve. I think that about sums it up – I look forward to seeing your whines on Twitter!
Alexandria
Alexandria Abadie: Even more interesting is that she is putting herself out to be a Christian. What a prime she is in representing Christ. I was putting myself off to be sarcastic. Prime representation of JC? You resorted to calling me a whore this is such utter failure.
My response: Correction, I called you an attention whore. There is a difference. According to the Urban Dictionary on what is an Attention Whore:
So, in a sense, I too am an Attention whore because this is garnering your own attention to the matter as well – however, unlike you, it is doing so to reveal your true online personification. How then am I deducing that you are an attention whore? By the way you are commenting and how you are communicating online by calling me a coward, asking me why I hid my Facebook Profile from you, and attempting to engage me in conversation where you personally attacked me. Hence, why I published this blog with your own words to expose you for who you are.
Alexandria Abadie states: If you don’t want your thoughts criticized, don’t post articles claiming to be a journalist on the internet. Go ahead and keep my name and location up, you’re absolutely right on that point. Besides, calling someone like you out is worth any harassment I’d get (none, y the way, no one cares). You are NOT right on posting my words out of context. That’s not Journalism with integrity, it’s just you being angry.
My response: I don’t mind my thoughts being criticized. If someone has something to say and is respectful in producing a cohesive statement and comment where they refrain from an ad hominem attack, then their comment is conducive, worthwhile and based on intellectual reasoning. However, when someone does not do this and makes statements that you have made, then they are the ones showing themselves out to be an ignorant fool. I do not apologize, but I did not take your comments out of context. Want the context of those comments, here they are.
Comment 1 from you to the following article Bring your children back to the table:
Your first tweet on the same article:
That is not taking your statement out of context. It is putting your words in proper context and in what manner you were talking about and to what you were referencing. If you feel it is taken out of context then the burden of proof rests upon you and you alone because you are the one making the statement and claim that I am taking it out of context. However, let us continue with more evidence of contextual commentary of yours. These comments are from your own twitter account about me:
Second Twitter with comments pulled from the actual article: Politics, Religion and the separation of church and state
Comment to Joey Newby who posted Nice Article:
Another comment on the same article referenced above, but to the article itself, and therefore to me:
Notice the emphasis on the last statement of your comment – idiot warning on articles like this – interpretation – Timothy is an idiot is what you are essentially saying.
Another comment directed toward me when I had commented to Ron Den Boer (an Anti-Mormon and online stalker) because he was posting information about how the LDS Church supported Slavery in the early days (which is an argument of special pleading. If you understood logical fallacies, then you would understand why I commented to Ron Den Boer about the punishment an Israelite slave would receive if he had injured and caused the death of a bull. Special pleading is the logical fallacy of removing oneself from the same criticism that they are presenting against someone else. In this context, you also are utilizing special pleading because you are demanding that I be held accountable for my exchange and vernacular against you yet do not hold your self accountable to the very same thing that you have given yourself over to doing. Take a course on logical fallacies, maybe your ignorance will become nonexistent):
As to me “hiding my facebook page” I can ask you the very same question. Why don’t you make your facebook page public? Again, special pleading. No, I did not hide my facebook page from you. What I actually did was removed your comments from the Marsyville Parenting Examiner Facebook Page, blocked you from viewing my facebook page, and prevented you from contacting or posting your rants. This is the comment that you posted on the FB Page for the Marysville Parenting Examiner:
This actually was the very first comment I saw from you and received the email (Which I still have saved, along with when you liked the page). How then is this taken out of context?
The reality is that you have been caught and your comments are published to show you for who you are and what you are about – a stalker and a cyber bully who sought out the attention. Instead, you become enraged and angry that I posted your comments, falsely accuse me of taking them out of context. But this is not the end of your rants because on your twitter, you started ranting toward me with the following:
Second Tweet:
@SeattleGhost Hi Timothy! You responded to me and then deleted your reply. I just want your other 174 followers to know you’re a coward.
Third Tweet:
@SeattleGhost @Sarahbear9789 Timothy, you’ve proved you’re completely spineless, please don’t write a book – someone may take it seriously.
And, finally, this gem of a comment on the following article – Father’s understanding your role and authority:
Face it Alexandria, you are being exposed, your comments are in context, and you have no reason to complain about it. No, you were not critiquing, or asking for sources. Nor, did you even implore any modicum of intelligence in your comments. In reality, your words called me a spineless coward, cowardly liar, pathetic, moronic, idiot and a host of other names. All because you disagree with those articles. Quite honestly, you are nothing more than a cyber bully seeking out attention because you have nothing better to do in your life. The one who is pathetic is you because you are setting a poor example for your children. You are a stay at home parent, but what are you doing all day? Are you taking care of your children? Or, are you surfing the internet to find someone to harass to call spineless, to call cowardly liars, and to call them pathetic.
You do not know me, nor what I do day in and day out. No, you did not have the right to post what you posted, to comment how you commented, but you did and therefore they are exposed for all to read and see. YOU ARE NOT THE VICTIM HERE BECAUSE YOU ARE A STALKER AND A BULLY and need to be exposed for who you are.
If you should be angry with anyone, you should be angry with yourself and realize that you have had plenty of opportunities to apologize for your asnine remarks, condescending attitude, and arrogant prideful disdain. Whoever pissed in your wheaties should be the one you need to direct your anger towards. Face it, you got caught and now are backpeddling to save face because you know you messed with the wrong person and therefore ought to be careful on how you comment online and in what manner you should be conducting yourself. You are no better than the religious bigots of the Anti-Mormon camp because when their own words are published and revealed for what they are, they get upset and angry because they realize they have hung themselves and committed intellectual suicide.
Alexandria Abadie says: Further, I attempted to contact you and you cut off all means. I’d love to have a discussion with you.
My response: Well, had you actually approached and commented with respect and provided your own insights, asked appropriate probing questions, then you would have received a different response, received a different type of interaction and dialogue. Yet, you did not. Again, your own words showed you to be nothing more than a troll seeking attention. You were not respective at all. Right from the gate, you made comments that attacked me personally. Yes, I banned you from MPE Facebook Page because I am the moderator, found your comments insulting, and inappropriate. I do not allow such comments like that. If you feel it violates your free speech well that is tough luck because your speech ends when you posted your comment on a page I operate and have control over. Here is a suggestion, read up on Netiquette and then compare your comments and interactions with me and tell me if you truly were in the right with how you commented.
Alexandria Abadie says: I know, for a fact, I’d be able to give you some parenting tips as well as better outlooks since it seems you’ve taken the task as a chore and not the blessing it is.
My response: I don’t need parenting tips from someone who shows themselves to be a pompous ass online and then plays victim when they have been called out. If that was your intention all along then you should have approached this differently instead of actually making yourself look bad. Secondly, you make a gross and false statement. I never made any statement that I take my duties as a parent as a chore. I am very blessed to have my daughter in my life. This is again further ignorance that you speak on and not base it on facts. Face it, you are backpeddling to make yourself look good when in reality you were unethical, inappropriate, rude, disrespectful, and down right condescending.
If you feel that you are not at fault, and you want to continue to justify your reasonings, then you go right ahead and do so. You go right ahead and play the victim, because you would rather deny the facts and accept the reality that you are the one who came out to be the pathetic fool who spoke out of line.
Well, I’m out…
You seem to be exactly the kind of person I don’t wanna discuss with. Narcisstic, arrogant, fanatic and you think you are the smartest. Just very American.
No clue why I read your stuff. It was a mistake. I won’t do it again.
Good bye.
Yep, denial at its best. Support the false victim and her ramblings of calling people spineless cowards, pathetic fathers who don’t go out and support their families, and moronic and idiotic. But when someone calls them on the carpet and shows their identity of who they truly are, suddenly they are the victims and how unfair it is.
The mistake you are making is defending a princess who is looking for attention. No, I have never made the claim that I am smarter than everyone.
Yep, I am the kind of person you don’t want to discuss things with because I will hold you accountable for what you say and show forth exactly how you say things. It is truly a travesty to think that freedom of speech includes to speak out of one’s arse without being held accountable for such statements. Yes, I called her an Attention Whore because that is cyber slang for someone who is seeking attention. They are also called trolls because they have nothing better to do than to ridicule, mock, and make false conjectures. Sorry, but her words stand. They convict her as to how Christian she is and how intelligent she truly is.
Go on your merry little way and pretend that you have the right to speak your mind without consequences since that is what you and your friend Alexandria believes in.
According to Alexandria Abadie – I am a verbal abuser by calling her an attention whore because she is wanting to goad me into an argument and war of words. I merely sent her a tweet that points to this and here are her responses to it:
Here is the full context of the dialogue you can follow:
SeattleGhost Timothy Berman
@
@blawes0me Thank you for your comments and exposing yourself to be the fool. Gave me something to write about here: thehousehubby.wordpress.com/2011/08/02/cyb…
1 hour ago
blawes0me Alexandria Abadie
@
@SeattleGhost YES!!! I’m famous! My phrases were taken out of context and the article is poorly written/edited – but SWEET!!!!!!
1 hour ago
SeattleGhost Timothy Berman
@
@blawes0me Translation: Yes I am a fool and I like to let people know how jubilantly I am about being a fool for attacking someone – Yeah Me
1 hour ago
blawes0me Alexandria Abadie
@
@SeattleGhost Giving out my full name and where I live isn’t being foolish, it’s being unsafe. I didn’t attack you, I critiqued you.
1 hour ago
SeattleGhost Timothy Berman
@
@blawes0me => is an attention whore getting her kicks and is a blind denying fool who thinks she means well but is a wallowing pig
51 minutes ago
in reply to ↑
@blawes0me
Take down my personal information.
Alexandria Abadie
@SeattleGhost You have 587 followers. They now know you’re verbally abusive. Rebecca must be proud
37 minutes ago via web
Favorite Retweet Reply
replies ↓
SeattleGhost Timothy Berman
@
@blawes0me Also, if you don’t want your public information revealed, you should have never commented like you had – you published comments
20 minutes ago
SeattleGhost Timothy Berman
@
@blawes0me Not until you apologize for the ad hominem by calling me a pathetic father, spineless coward, and the like.
20 minutes ago
The only reason why she wants me to take her comments down is because she realizes that her comments are for all to see. I do not sympathize with her. As I stated in my tweet reply, she was the one that published her comments. Attached to those comments is her location. If I had not contacted my regional managers at Examiner.com, her location is already made public by her comments – along with her facebook account as well. Her tweets are also of public record because she published them for others to see and read when they follow her. Yes, she realizes that her words are published and therefore people are aware of who she is. Again, a prime example of how and why people need to monitor and understand what they say online may come back and bite them.
As for the critique? I am sorry, only a fool calls someone a coward, moronic, idiot, a spineless coward, and a pathetic father. Even more interesting is that she is putting herself out to be a Christian. What a prime she is in representing Jesus Christ!
This is the poorest thing I have written since a while… I really hope she’ll go to the cops.
Such discrediting tactics are showing that you Timothy Berman are the fool. Hopefully you think in the future a bit more about your actings…
In a free world people should be allowed to say what they are thinking without getting discredited by such fanatics.
The Rest:
Yes, people are free to say what they want. With that comes accountability. I did not take her words out of context. Nor did I misrepresent what she said. Her tweets show forth her own words without interpretation. Want me to screen shot them from my @Mentions on twitter? I can, but she will still cry foul on me when she is the one in the wrong. She is not the victim here. The fact remains, she is angry at the severity that she made several antagonistic comments to me on a facebook page (published in context) and then on some articles (published in context), and then on twitter.
The reference to calling her a wallowing pig is to George Bernard Shaw’s quote: I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.
Yes, I agree, her words are very discrediting to her. She published those comments on some of my articles and Facebook page where her information was accessible to any who viewed them. I have subsequently requested to have those comments removed from the articles because they did nothing to provide intellectual reasoning, or substantiation. If she were intellectually honest and disagreed with me and properly provided her own reasonings, we would not be having this conversation. However, she is angry at the fact that she realized that by publishing her words, she took the risk of making herself look like a bully and cyber stalker.
I do not apologize because I believe she needs to be held accountable for her actions and for her words. Only those who become enraged at how their words appear make the excuse that they are now being the victims. She is not the victim here. She is a fool. Her words conclude this.
If you want to take it up with someone, take it up with her and reason with her about how her interactions and words have come to show forth how she acts and behaves online.
As for a free world, she made her information public and therefore it is public. She does not want her information made public, she should have never commented on my articles in a manner as she had shown.
By the way, I would not have taken issue with her if she had brought an intellectual conversation to the table and not had made the verbal assault on me. She does not know who I am, what goes on in my life and the things my family faces. Whatever issues she personally is dealing with in her own life, she needs to remember how she interacts online and in what manner she interacts online.
The fact remains that she spoke out of line, that she made the verbal assaults, and showed forth her own intellectual demise. Instead of moaning and complaining, she needs to take this as a lesson learned and realize that she needs to keep herself in check and understand that someone may and will publish her comments in their entirety online for everyone to see and expose her for who she is.
By the way, if you say it is wrong and illegal for me to publish her location and other information, then it is illegal for her to comment using her social networking sites to publish comments where they reveal her very own identity.